I am currently in conflict between the idea that experiencing different things means living different lives, and the idea that just because we experience different things, does not mean we are disconnected; in fact, we are very connected, even if not geographically. On my good days, it is our life, because we are in the same situation and are fighting for the same goal. On my bad days, I'm very your life/my life.
I really miss Stefano a lot when he goes. Even before he steps out the door. These past 6 days were a blessing. My husband was able to stay here in Seattle for THAT long before going back to his base: Miami. He usually stays here 3 days and goes to Miami for 5. But his schedule always changes, especially as the month changes; there tend to be overlaps, or if he has just 1 day off, he stays in Miami because it makes no sense to do MIA-SEA and then leave the next day.
Here's what a typical 3-day-stay at home is like for him (from my perspective): he flies American Airlines, which has only one direct Miami to Seattle flight per day. It is a 6 and a half hour flight, and lands in Seattle at 8:50 at night. By the time he comes home it is often almost 10 o'clock. Our son, who is almost 8 months old, is usually asleep by then, so they see each other the next morning when we are all awake. Hubby sleeps on the couch (by his choice) and baby and I sleep in bed. Stefano usually wakes between 5 and 7 in the morning, thanks to jet lag or Lupa, our dog, waking him up with her whines and wet nose in his ear. Stefano is no couch potato or homebody and when he's up, he is cooking, cleaning, running errands, asking me, "What do you wanna do today? Where do you wanna go?" He starts to crash around noon, feels better after lunch, and re-crashes around 5. By the time we are done with dinner, he is ready to go to sleep but tries hard to stay awake at least until baby falls asleep, in case I need anything.
By the third day, he is pretty well-adjusted, but that same night he flies back to Miami on a red-eye, arriving there around 6 in the morning.
It is hard on him, physically, and hard on me emotionally. The fewer days he stays here the easier it is to handle when he leaves again. And, predictably, the longer he stays, the more difficult it is to let him go. So far, baby knows that he is leaving but because he spends most of the time with me, he doesn't cry. I know he will as he gets older.
-I'm sorry, but... why do you live on opposite sides of the country? Can't you move to Miami? Or can't he find a pilot job in Seattle?-
Right? Totally get how it seems so obvious to those who don't know the whole story. If you are wondering, ask me, and if I get enough curious beings, I will elaborate with a new post.
So, I miss him. He misses me and Lorenzo. But we tough it out because even though it SUCKS a lot of the time, this is what works for now. We live like this because we know it is temporary. We are fighting for our ideal situation, and it is already beginning to take shape. I firmly believe in the power of dreams as long as you act upon them. For now our lives are somewhere between airports, clouds and a little bit of earth. This is our adventure, these are our struggles, and with each small triumph we get closer to the main goal: stability, in every sense of the word.
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